My time in the French Alps is coming to an end. There’s been lots to learn and experience this winter season. When I arrived in Morzine I felt like a tiny fish in an infinite ocean… everything appeared new and unknown… now it feels like home.
“The power that lurks in the heart of all mountains will flow into you while their essential beauty reminds you that you, too, are a creature of the earth. The strength and sturdiness evident in the rocky crags and smooth slopes of peaks around the globe have from time immemorial inspired creativity and kindled courage.”
This arrived in my inbox today courtesy of Daily OM, so true! I needed the mountains so badly… after countless years of hiding from winter, chasing the sun and running from darkness I realised that natures cycles was what I was craving.
The winter has enabled me to stop, reflect, start afresh but most of all sleep.
I can always remember waking in the night as a child. Having a troubled sleep pattern was just one of the indicators that I’m a sensitive being. There was always something that stirred me as i tried to rest and switch off. And this permeable night sense has filtered into adult life causing many a problem, until I decided to listen.
Without the stimulation of noise and light, the mountains hold a dark energy that is not scary but soothing, like being cocooned. The quiet, the dark, the stillness… is oh so deep. And it is here where I encounter deep deep sleep. As a HSP a good nights sleep is so crucial to me. A deep sleep is pure heaven.
After chasing the swells for countless seasons I have been reminded I am, indeed, a creature of the Earth. Winter is liberation time. But with fresh air, big views and grand perspective.
Social media hiatus
For the months of January and February I took a break from my iPhone and social media. Gone was the device constantly in my right hand; at last I had two hands free again. But it felt awkward, like something was missing. It was soon replaced by j.o.m.o. - “joy of missing out” - life was happening in other places and I did not care, did not know about it. It was liberating and suddenly I had a choice, to keep my awareness attuned to the shit that really matters. Now I am aware. SO aware of how social media fractalises our attention. In our hands we have access to the whole universe - we can feel inspired, guilty, jealous, desireful or bitter in a flash and we are not even conscious of that emotional process. And one thing is for sure I was happier, more accepting, more peaceful and more present without it.
Is it possible to feel that way while still connected? I’m back online and still figuring it out...
Full of care not careful
I sincerely think that many of humanities issues stem from lack of knowledge, skills and experience on how to care. For ourselves, for each other, for natural habitats and other species. What is needed is conversations about what we need to feel cared for. As I guess its different for everybody. We're sent so many mixed signals right from birth, but it seems that many of these are the fear of adults projected onto us. Be careful = don’t hurt yourself. Don’t get injured. Don’t learn. Don’t fail. So many untruths.
What I've truly understood is that: We heal. We grow. We succeed (eventually).
What does it mean to truly care for ourselves and others? It means listening, being selective/discerning about what we listen to (even our own thoughts and well meaning guidance from others can be fickle), respecting boundaries and sometimes going out into the unknown.
Grounding
I have stayed in the same place for nearly 5 months. It’s been good for me. Unable to run or escape challenging emotions, being faced with loneliness and boredom and desire and exhaustion. Oh the joy of suffering like a true human!
But aside from the difficulties, the most important thing I have experienced is feeling connected to the earth. In the simplest form of sliding down a mountain, I have learn to respect gravity and embrace being out of control. Such a simple, yet profound process... and through it I've found the kind of strength and stability and BALANCE I have never had before.
Magic of Mindfulness
There’s a short film I’m involved with and because of this was gifted a session with the incredible neuroscientist and author of “What is mindfulness” Tamara Russell. The session blew my mind… we covered mindfulness practice, trauma, ego-mind traps, psychosis, the joy of siding down mountains and finding the balance between sitting still and sliding down mountains. She taught me the three C’s: courage, curiosity and compassion…
The Power of Yoga
Yoga is not about how strong you can be, how flexible you are, how taut you bum looks in funky patterned leggings, or how zen your facial muscles appear for 1 second while a photo is snapped.
Yoga is not that.
But what is yoga? The question that keeps on giving. Every day I go on a little journey on my mat as I try to feel the connectivity firing up from my nervous system and the dissolving of my external graspiness. What’s going on INSIDE. Accepting and loving everything that arises. Staying put when it gets a little tense and uncomfortable. Breathing into it. That’s what yoga is for me these days. Ah I just bloody love it.
Next steps
Waves. Off grid in Portugal. Festivals and freelancing in Cornwall. And I'm excited to announce I received an unconditional offer to study a Masters in Sustainability at Anglia Ruskin University. Another step toward the paradox I am looking to live out in my life, personally and professionally: Freedom and security. With Mother Nature as my boss.
I'll leave you with some words from Vandana Shiva. Who's also a boss.