Men and boards (pt. 1)

My longboard has died and I’m on the look out for the perfect new board.  And I mean perfect.  I need it to adhere to all my surfing needs, fulfil my deepest sliding desires and serve me as a vehicle of progression, fun, joy and of course, style.

On my quest I have managed to seek out some men with crafty skills to help manifest my creation and right now there are a few potential suitors key to providing the surfboard of my dreams.  (I was kinda looking for a woman, but woman shapers are hard to find… why exactly that is, I am planning on exploring in another blog post). 

Anyway, these craftsmen aren’t aware that I’m asking them all the same questions - can you do a swirly resin tint, how long will it take, could i have some money off in exchange for private yoga classes - but it feels a bit like I am playing them off against each other before I make my final choice.

It reminds me of a book I read about dating.  Keep your options open and don’t get too attached early on.  Don’t be charmed by what people offer you and wait until you feel ready to move forward when you see evidence of authenticity and accountability.

After years of unhappy relationships I started delving further into the “why” behind the “who” I was attracted to.  “Are you the one for me” by Barbara De Angelis happened to have some clues to where I was going wrong:

“Your unconscious mind will seek to complete its unfinished emotional business from childhood by getting you to “choose” people who will help you recreate your childhood dramas”

Compatibility and commitment are what are apparently needed for a relationship to work and there are many pit falls to avoid in the process of picking a partner (or new board too) - fatal flaws like emotional unavailability, addictions and narcissism should be signs to take a wide berth, along with 1990’s style baby pink hibiscus flowers, not enough volume and oddly angled rails when it comes to board design.

I know the dream board and I are going to be perfect for one another because a) I am aware of my needs and wants b) I’m designing it myself to fulfil my needs and wants and c) its not trying to be my one and only surfboard.  Its going to be a heavy log, for small, glassy days, days which are oh so perfect for trimming and dancing towards the nose.  I will make an informed decision not to take it out on those choppy, chunky and onshore conditions so that our relationship is not subjected to rocky ground (or indeed messy water).

Just as my friends are awesome to drink prosecco (or tea) with, explore new versions of headstands and giggle about things only girls together can giggle about, as well as provide emotional support for when the going gets less giggly… I do not expect them to build me a tree house or rub my head when I am tired.  My family are amazing at unconditional love and making me feel part of a weird and wonderful tribe but I wouldn’t want to head out on a sunset beach picnic to celebrate the full moon and a heightened sense of arousal with them. 

So here’s what I’m learning about guys and boards;  In the past I have looked for “the one”, all encompassing surfboard to bring me love, light and happiness… but sometimes the waves, or my mood didn’t suit the board, and things went down disheartened hill soon after.  Sometimes I was expecting a little too much, and sometimes what we both wanted wasn’t compatible or the guy, ahem i mean board, wasn’t quite so embracing of my style and direction in life, umm i mean surfing.  Sometimes spending time in the water with a board made me feel like a shit surfer.  So after numerous wipeouts, missed moments, wasted energy and bruises both real and egoic, I got rid of the board by selling it, gifting it, turning it into wall art or the board broke my heart by breaking.  After borrowing some of my mates boards, boards belonging to camps and schools as well as professional surfers boards I realise it wasn’t that I was shit at surfing, it was a shit board.  And we most certainly didn’t belong together, forever.

Since I started surfing 12 years ago I’ve ridden a lot of boards and have ofter pondered why things just weren’t working out for me - why couldn't I just find one board of my dreams and we surf off into the sunset together.  The answer is because it doesn’t work like that, or at least it hasn’t for me yet.  I've had to learn and grow, let go and walk away.  I’ve had some very lovely periods of time, some incredible moments and waves to be truly treasured.  With hindsight that experience has enabled me to truly refine what it is I want from my next surfboard, consider how it will compliment and challenge my surfing and chart the details specific to enhancing my surfing lifestyle, from a wiser view point.  And it has made me a better surfer ;) 

Now I know what I’m looking for in my next surfboard, but I’m not quite sure about my next man.  Let’s not forget that surfboards are inanimate objects and men are complicated beings, most certainly even more tricky to understand when viewed from the female perspective. And personally, I think this is the most extraordinary part to male/female relationships, how we can be so different and contrasting, yet somehow have the potential to work harmoniously together - only if assisted by a large dose of compassion and consciousness - oh and commitment and compatibility according to Barbara.

I guess I’ll start with integrity, emotional openness and maturity, full of love (and able to give and receive love freely) followed by someone who can build treehouses, doesn’t mind giving head rubs and quite likes the odd sunset picnic and moonlit tryst.  Oh and a surfboard shaper would be pretty handy ;)  But one thing I know is that I’m not looking for perfect and I am waiting for real. 

“If you are not prepared for the intensity of the powerful learning experience love provides, you will resist your relationship and resent your partner.  You will become angry at the mirror for the reflection it is showing you.”

I think I may well prefer riding my new surfboard off into the sunset!!!